The meaning of life....?

I don't believe in any sort of God that religion has tried to provide. I'm a logical person and I figure that when we die we cease to exist. I'm fifteen, and ever since I've come to this conclusion, I have been really depressed. "I am the moron who wonders why he is carrying the bricks." And I can't stand this, ignorance is bliss and I honestly wish I could just conform blindly and have "faith" in a God, in an afterlife, in meaning. Our earth can sustain life for way longer then I'll be around, that is unless we destroy ourselves by then, and I feel as if everything everyone does is just contributing to society. Every move we make helps man kind evolve one way or another, and I'm depressed at the fact that I won't even see the final product...how man kind ends. I always got sad in school when I heard of people who did hard labor on big projects for most of their lives and died before the final product was erected. For example skyscrapers or railroads. We lay down the tracks, but we never get to ride the rails, all of our work seems to be for nothing. I also fear ceasing to exist, for I am a narcissistic, and it's hard not to appreciate life when it is all you know. I try to live my life as happily as I can, doing the things that make me most happy, just as if eternal return could be true and I will have to live this life over and over, but I just can't get out of this funk. I used to think that near death experiences proved an after life, but I've come to mind altering conclusions. When someone is dying, dmt is being released and they're practically tripping as if on acid. I know from experience with trips that all of this is really in our mind. We see what we want to see when we're dying. People who have these experiences claim that they see their family or go to the gates of heaven, but it's really just because they expect to see this. I've come up with some crazy after life theories any of which can be true, but honestly it just seems reasonable that we cease to exist. When we die, our organs die, including our brain. Our brain stores memory, or past experiences, and instincts and my brother, the smartest person I know, claims that we do not know where consciousness comes from. We create thoughts and apparently science has no answer for our ability for this, I guess it's what some people would call a soul, but it all seems so unlikely. The universe being created was as if a tornado went through a junk yard full of plane parts. The tornado subsides and all of the parts have come together to create an airplane fully capable of sustaining flight, a trip, the trip, that is life. Every ejaculation has more sperm then people in the world right now. My ancestors beat the odds, and I had to as well, and the odds are overwhelmingly against our existence. It's absurd that I'm alive right now, but what does that mean? We are so small, so insignificant relative to the universe, that I feel as though we're significant in our own right. We are significant just for being so insignificant, as far as time is concerned relative to the universe being created, our lives are so short. The time we have alive is so significant, but even seeing this I am still depressed. I search and search for scientific after life theories, for answers to the questions unknown, but there's nothing we can do for we simply do not know enough. We don't know whether time is infinite, or even absolute. And if it is infinite then so is space for where there is space, there is time, and this is all assuming time is absolute, and possibilities and matter finite....so our existence must occur again assuming all of this to be true...and yet eternal return is such an undermined and disregarded theory. Some would say if it were true then life is meaningless, but I have no problem living this life over and over, especially if I'm not so depressed worrying about death and not being. Could this all be a dream? For all we know, I like to think that we're either futuristic and have found the knowledge to be immortal, or we're just God's and one day we decided to create a "mortal life simulation" like a game where we chose a time period and wiped out our memories and when we die we'll remember who we really are. Maybe the whole world centers around me, I don't really believe in solipsism but what is truth? I am truth....I think therefor I am and that's all I can prove, but I don't believe that the least bit. I could honestly just be a ******* moron, and death could be an awakening, it could be something so much better then this....but for me it's just too hard to believe. An afterlife which would to me, bring meaning to this life, is like when I root for an under dog. And my team is so against the odds and yet I come to the expectation that they're going to win, but usually they don't. Anyway, I want to h