Would you keep reading this?

I would read more but I have one very important tip: Don't have your characters tell us how they feel, show us how they feel. Don't say, "This greatly angered me." Show us that it angered her. Don't tell us something hurt her feelings or killed her, show us that it did. Having a character announce their feelings is weak and is a sign of bad writing, using the characters behavior to show us how they feel makes it more believable.